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MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Columbus, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you draw on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that paint off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture, Al. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "That’s it, George!  The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, son. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your bedtime!"

SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line.  Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”

HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER:  “Humpty, if I told you once, I told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Nooooo!”

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."


Originally appeared in Brio magazine, The Cafeteria Lady, 1996 and 1997


Copyright 2001-2005 Martha Bolton. All rights reserved.09/24/12 09:36 AM
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