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Martha's Laugh Lines: It's Beginning to Sound a Lot  Like Christmas

Written by: Martha Bolton

This morning I heard a news report about what some were calling "annoying Christmas carols." Personally, I don't find Christmas carols annoying at all. I enjoy them. In fact, I believe we've lost something by the lack of carolers strolling our streets during the holiday season. It used to be you could count on at least one group showing up on your front porch step. But it's been years since I've seen any carolers on any street for that matter.

I will concede that some of the Christmas carols could use an update, especially in light of the current economy. Here are some suggestions:

 (Rewrite of "O Christmas Tree")

     "O Christmas tree

    O Christmas tree

    I wish I could afford you."

(Rewrite of "Jingle Bells," beginning with the verse "Dashing through the snow")

    Flying to D.C.

    in a private, corporate jet,

    asking for a loan

    to help us pay our debt.

    If you'll bail us out,

    we'll cut expenses now.

    Those nice folks from AIG

    are going to show us how!


    The Big Three

    The Big Three

    Chrysler, Ford, GM.

    We're the next in line for help,

    'cause our future's looking grim!


    We admit,

    flying here

    was a stupid stunt.

    But this time we drove our jets.

    They're double-parked out front!


(Rewrite of "I'll Be Home For Christmas")

     "We'll be broke for Christmas,

    most of us agree.

    Our stocks have tanked,

    Our hopes have sank

    for presents 'neath the tree.

    Christmas Eve will find us

    in one collective pout.

    We'll be broke for Christmas,

    'cause no one bailed us out!

See, traditional Christmas carols can still be fun to sing.  So grab your winter coat, your ear muffs and scarf, and start strolling down the streets. I'll put some hot chocolate on for you.


Copyright 2001-2005 Martha Bolton. All rights reserved.09/24/12 09:36 AM
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