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Ten Commandments for Aging

 Thou shalt not raise up thy pants unto the uttermost parts of thy armpits.

 Thou shalt not look at thy face in a magnifying mirror, for thy heart's sake.

 Thou shalt not curse the name of thy dietary plan.

 Remember the place where thou hast left thy car keys, glasses, and other possessions, or buy tracking devices.

 Honor the rules of spandex that the circulation in thy legs may be long on this earth.

 Thou shalt not steal the age of thy neighbor.

 Thou shalt not commit to baby-sit more than six grandchildren under the age of three at one time, lest thou become a babbling loon.

 Thou shalt wear comfortable shoes so that thou wouldst not have a harvest of bunions and corns.

 Thou shalt not bear false witness with thy comb over.

 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's taco, or hot and spicy sausage, or any other food items that thou knowest will war against the innermost regions of thy body.

(Excerpted from _Cooking With Hot Flashes_, Martha Bolton, Bethany Publishers)

 

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