The Cafeteria Lady's Upcoming Schedule |
January 6:
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CLEVELAND Speak at national youth retreat...not actually on stage, but from my sleeping bag in the cabin while everyone else is trying to sleep.
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January 15:
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WASHINGTON
Deliver address to meeting of United States Postal Workers. (I've recently moved, and they need my new address. I like to do these sorts of things in person.)
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Late January:
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EXACT DATE AND LOCATION TO BE ANNOUNCED
Sing national anthem at the Super Bowl. (It'll be from my seat, and someone else will probably be singing with me from the stage, but the event planners felt this would be the best way for me to participate.)
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February 13:
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NEW ORLEANS Speak to the Girl Scouts (regarding a cookie order).
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February 20:
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PHOENIX Book signing at Barnes & Noble. (That is, until the clerk catches me and asks me to leave.)
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March 12
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DALLAS Talk to a group of telemarketers concerning my choice for a long distance company.
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March 30:
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SEATTLE Detain door-to-door salesman. Make him listen to 45-minute speech on how to hold your audience.
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April 1:
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ALBUQUERQUE Speak at library (until the librarian tells me to hush).
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April 20:
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PHILADELPHIA Participate in walkathon (from my car to the front entrance of the mall).
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May 4:
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NASHVILLE
Sing (in shower). Limited seating. Overflow seating available in living room where full concert can easily be heard coming through the vents (until family closes them).
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May 15:
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NASHVILLE Speak at court hearing regarding Disturbing the Peace citation received on May 4th.
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June 8:
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COLORADO SPRINGS Do several encore performances ordering food over microphone at popular fast-food drive-through-restaurant with Brio staff.
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July 14:
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WASHINGTON D. C. Speak to Congress (from the sidewalk as they pass me on their way to lunch).
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August 4:
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PHOENIX Accept the "Flaming Kitchen Award" from the National Association of Firefighters for keeping firemen working through 1999.
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September 12:
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LITTLE ROCK Dinner at the Arkansas Governor's house. (Well...actually, I'm just delivering pizza there, but he might offer me a slice.).
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October 15:
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NASHVILLE Recording session. Answering machine needs a new message.
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October 29 :
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DETROIT Piano recital. (I'll actually be dusting it, but it sounds the same.)
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November 24:
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LOS ANGELES Talk to hundreds of angry citizens...while standing in line at the DMV
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December 12:
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NASHVILLE After-dinner speech (nightly apology to the family for the meal).
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December 31:
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NEW YORK CITY Appear at Carnigie Hall. (I'm taking the 3 p.m. tour.)
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I'll keep you posted as more bookings develop. If I'm in your area...please stop by! |